"In Memory Of Pets "
with
" THE JOURNEY
THROUGH GRIEF "
Following are the general
steps of grieving, which
have been abbreviated for
easy reference. We recommend
that you copy and paste
or print this page out.
You may find it helpful in
realizing that grief is a
perfectly normal human
process. It has a beginning,
a middle and an end. This
does not imply that you will
not feel sad sometimes in
remembering the loss of your
pet, but the sharp,
sometimes painful feelings
will diminish with time and
are often replaced by
memories of happier days
when you and your pet shared
life together.
(1) Crying: While
this seems an entirely
expected reaction, the first
few moments of realizing
that your pet has died can
produce a number of strange,
emotional reactions. An
outburst of crying, anger,
hyper activity even a form
of giddy laughter can follow
the shock of knowing. It is
generally short-lived,
lasting for only minutes
immediately following the
death.
(2) A strange sense of
numbness and emptiness:
Often the bereaved person
will feel somehow
disconnected from their
surroundings, as if they are
simply walking through a
dream.
(3) Disbelief: For
the first few days,
immediately following the
death of a pet, many people
experience a period of
denial. Some even think they
hear or see their pet, and
for a moment will react as
if the pet is still living.
The thought that their pet
is actually not coming back
seems impossible.
(4) Guilt: As the
days begin to pass, it is
not unusual to feel a very
strong sense of guilt.
People will go over the days
leading up to the death and
often feel that if they had
reacted differently, their
pet would still be alive.
This is especially true when
the death of a pet has been
very sudden or the result of
an accident. Children will
often try to 'bargain', some
turning to prayer and asking
God to bring the pet back to
life in return for promises
'to be good' for ever-after.
(5) Profound grief:
Like all human emotions, the
depth and length of this
period will vary according
to the individual. This
period of genuine
realization that your pet
has gone forever marks the
beginning of the true
grieving process. It can
occur within a few days or
sometimes it may be as many
as six months before this
process takes place. A very
deep sense of loss, and
occasional bouts of crying
typify this period and can
last, on and off, for
several days or weeks.
(6) Acceptance:
Generally within about 6
months, the sharpness of the
pain of grief begins to
diminish and people begin to
adjust to life without their
much-loved companion. They
are able to speak about
their loss more easily, and
begin to remember the
happier times when they were
together. This marks the end
of the grieving process, and
while people may continue to
have occasional 'sad
thoughts' about their lost
pet,they are usually brief.
These occasional moments may
continue throughout life and
are quite normal.
" THINGS THAT HELP "
(1) Talking:
One of the most helpful ways
to begin the healing process
is to try and speak about
your pet and your feelings
of grief to a close and
trusted family member or
friend. Shutting out the
painful feelings will only
make them last longer. By
talking to someone you trust
and whom you know will be
compassionate and
understanding, you will be
able to accept the loss and
return to a normal life more
quickly.
(2) Ceremony: Many
people today find that
honoring their pet's life
helps them to adjust to life
without them. There are a
variety of ways in which you
can memorialize your pet
which help to keep you
focused during the first
days of grieving. These
activities help to fill the
emptiness and give the
bereaved an opportunity to
express their deep feelings
of affection and sadness at
their loss. It may be as
simple as writing a small
poem in memory of your pet
or assembling a special book
of pictures. More and more
people today also choose to
have their pet's remains
individually cremated or
buried at a pet cemetery.
Most veterinarians are able
to assist you with such
arrangements.
(3) Posting an Internet
Memorial: Many people
today are turning to newer
methods of honoring their
pet's life. In-Memory-of
Pets.com was established for
just this purpose. This is
an entirely free service and
your memorial is posted
permanently. If you do not
have an Internet service,
ask a friend who does to
help you post your memorial.
" WHEN TO SEEK ASSISTANCE
"
Here are a few basic
examples of when you or a
person you know may require
some extra assistance from a
good friend or professional
grief counselor.
[1] Depression:
Symptoms include the
long-term loss of interest
in activities which used to
be entertaining, loss of
appetite, insomnia or an
interruption in normal
sleeping patterns,
withdrawal from socializing
(including telephone
conversations), feelings of
hopelessness or even
suicide. These are serious
warning signs of distress
and every effort should be
made to seek help. If you,
yourself find yourself
'falling into this dark and
unhappy mood' try to
understand that this is a
genuine illness. It is not
something which you should
think of as embarrassing or
a sign of personal weakness.
DO NOT HESITATE to call a
professional. A
veterinarian, religious
leader, or grief councilor
is trained to assist you and
to help advise you.
Depression almost always
makes us feel as if nothing
will help and it can become
an almost overwhelming
effort to just pick up the
phone to take the first step
towards recovery. Remember
that this is the depression
'talking'. MAKE THE EFFORT.
It is vitally important that
you take this first step and
call for assistance. You
will surprise yourself with
how understanding and
helpful your professional
advisor will be.
[2] Guilt: While
feeling guilty is part of
the normal grieving process,
for some people it becomes
an almost overwhelming
problem. This is especially
likely to occur if your pet
has died suddenly or as the
result of an accident. If
you find that you are
spending a great deal of
time thinking about how you
might be to 'blame' for not
recognizing that your pet
was ill, or that you feel
that it is your fault that
your pet died as a result of
something you did or did not
do, seek the help of a
professional. Again a
veterinarian, religious
leader, or even your general
practitioner are good
advisors to help you over
this 'stalled' phase of the
grieving process. A
professional person with a
less involved view-point can
help bring you back into a
more realistic understanding
of your feelings of guilt.
It really all boils down to
this: An accident is an
event which occurs with no
premeditation on the part of
those involved. Just like
making a wrong left turn and
possibly damaging your car,
remember that it was an
accident. You certainly
didn't purposefully set out
to damage your shiny new
car, now did you? In the
case of an unfortunate death
caused through and accident
or undetected illness, you
may have to accept that your
actions of thinking may have
been more wisely handled,
but you must acknowledge
that not for a single moment
did you intend to cause any
harm to your pet. The only
person who can blame himself
for the injury or death of a
pet is a person who from the
very start, fully and
consciously attempt to cause
harm. Otherwise, how can you
possibly consider yourself
guilty? Your advisor will
help you to see, we are all
human, and as such, our
actions are never perfect.
SPECIAL NOTE:
The grieving process is a
deeply personal and
individual emotion.
Therefore it is important
for you to remember that the
information contained above
is GENERAL INFORMATION and
may not accurately reflect
your own experience with
grief. Some people will pass
through certain stages of
the grieving process faster
or slower that others. It
depends entirely on your own
personality and life
experiences. It is also a
generally held belief that
individuals living alone,
especially those of us who
are senior citizens may
experience a longer healing
period. Also, people who
have lost a pet suddenly or
due to an accident may
experience a more profound
and painful grieving period.
This is perfectly normal.
Those of us who live alone
with a pet often develop a
very deep, personal
attachment and the loss of
such a daily companion can
be a very hard load to bear.
When a pet dies suddenly and
unexpectedly, or as the
result of an accident, there
is often a greater feeling
of grief and sometimes
profound feelings of guilt.
If you are finding your loss
particularly stressful, you
may wish to talk to a close
friend, relative, religious
or medical advisor whom you
trust with your personal
problems. Depression is the
most serious emotional
problem which you may
experience. Today medical
authorities recognize that
depression is a real,
physical illness and can be
successfully treated with
counseling and/or new
medications. If you find
that you are losing interest
in things that used to
interest you; if you are
finding that your normal
sleep pattern has changed -
either sleeping too little
or too much; if you find
yourself withdrawing and not
wishing to see friends or go
out; if you are not eating
regularly, or are less
interested in your
appearance and personal
hygiene, make the effort to
speak to a close friend or
professional about your
problem. Often talking it
over will help you to heal.
SPECIAL ADVICE:
Should you find that you are
having persistent thoughts
of death or suicide as a
result of your grief. We
strongly recommend that you
contact your healthcare
professional. Or you may
wish to discuss your
situation with a grief
counselor. Look in your
local telephone book under
Distress or Grief
Counseling. Professional
counselors are available
twenty-four hours a day.
These people are highly
trained and your discussion
with them is entirely
private and confidential.
The service is free, and
designed to help anyone who
is experiencing emotional
distress. You should not
feel embarrassed to talk.
Depression is the most
common illness of the modern
age. Every year literally
hundreds of thousands of
people experience this
illness. The good news is
that it is also one of the
most easily 'curable' of all
emotional disorders. Grief
is as individual as each
person! There are no hard
and fast rules. However, if
you think that you or a
friend is having a
particularly difficult time
with the loss of a beloved
pet, there is help.
Remember that you are not
alone.
By reaching out you will
surprise yourself with how
many people will understand
and want to help.
By : Timothy R. Laurence
For "In
Memory Of " Pets
THE
JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF
